DonkeCoin
Revolutionizing Nothing Since Yesterday
Introducing DonkeCoin: The first cryptocurrency backed by absolutely nothing but our unshakeable confidence and your desperate FOMO. Built on our patented "Proof-of-Nothing" technology.
"Because Government Crypto Is Already A Joke And D0GE Wasn't Stupid Enough"
Buy Now Before We Exit ScamStratospheric Volatility
Experience the thrill of watching your life savings plummet 60% while you sleep, then skyrocket 200% during your morning bathroom break. Who needs coffee when you have DonkeCoin anxiety?
Proprietary DoofChainâ„¢
Our revolutionary blockchain technology is so complex, even we don't understand it. But that's fine—neither does anyone else in crypto. All you need to know is that it's "disruptive" and "next-gen."
Unbreakable Security*
DonkeCoin employs military-grade encryption that would take hackers billions of years to crack, unless they ask nicely or find our password (hint: it's "password123").
*Terms and conditions apply. Security void where prohibited or inconvenient.
Confused Investors
Countries Where We're Being Investigated
Guaranteed ROI (in Emojis)
Practical Use Cases
What People Are Saying
"I invested my kid's college fund in DonkeCoin and now we're living in a mansion made of solid gold. Sure, his future is ruined, but have you seen my new yacht?"
"I don't understand what DonkeCoin does, how it works, or why it exists. I'm all in with my life savings! The more confused I am, the more confident I feel."
"My therapist recommended I stop checking DonkeCoin prices every 3 minutes. I fired him and used the therapy money to buy more DonkeCoin. WHO'S CRAZY NOW, DAVE?"
Slightly Ambitious Roadmap
Q1 2025: Launch & Hype
Initial coin offering. Create flashy website with meaningless animated graphics. Pay influencers to pretend they understand what we're doing.
Q2 2025: Aggressive FOMO Campaign
Release whitepaper written entirely in technobabble. Announce partnerships with companies that don't know they're our partners yet.
Q3 2025: Technical "Innovations"
Rebrand regular database as "AI-powered hyper-ledger." Add unnecessary blockchain to our coffee machine. Tweet "big things coming" every 48 hours.
Q4 2025: Exit Strategy
Announce we're "pivoting to focus on the metaverse." Change all social media profiles to "under maintenance." Founders suddenly develop severe allergies to extradition treaties.